Softball is Not for Stepmoms

A stepmom I interviewed for my book, Stepping into a New Role, Stories from Stepmoms, shared a powerful story with me that I’d like to share with you. It broke my heart. I just wanted to give her a big hug.  My heart went out to her, as I’m sure yours will.

I’d love to hear your stories, too. Please share your sad, frustrating, heartbreaking, and triumphant experiences and stories on this blog. The more we share with others, the more supported and encouraged we feel… 🙂

Here’s Addison’s story:

(The names have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent.) 🙂

The biggest surprise of this whole blended family thing was the realization that we were not going to be one big happy family. I liked my husband’s ex when I met her. I actually thought we were going to spend christmases together! Then I discovered there was just too much crazy. Here’s an example of the crazy…

When I found out that my stepdaughter wanted to play softball, I was really excited. I played softball all through high school and college. This was something that I could help her with. I absolutely loved softball, and I was a good player.

When I dropped Lana off at practice, I headed over to her coach, who just happened to be a mom herself, and shared, “I played softball in college, so could you use some help?” The coach said, “Not only do I love that you’re a woman who can help the girls, but it’s even better that you played softball! Who is your daughter?”  I told her that Lana was my step daughter.  She said, “That’s great! I’d love the help!”

I jumped at the chance. I had only been a stepmom for a year, so I figured this would provide a great opportunity to spend more time with Lana! That first morning of coaching, I got up early, dressed, and headed to the field to practice with the girls.

Being out there on that cold, foggy morning helping the girls learn to throw and catch was so much fun. It brought me back to my high school days. My mom coached me in high school, so I felt like I was going to get to be “mom” coaching my daughter. I couldn’t wait for Lana to show up! Practice fell on a day that was her mom’s custody day, so I figured her mom would be bringing her soon.

Several minutes into the practice, Lana and her mom arrived. Her mom had come out on to the field and was talking to the coach. I didn’t think much of it because I was busy helping the girls in the outfield, showing them throwing techniques. However, I did notice when she started gesticulating wildly as she was talking, her arms swinging like crazy. She was obviously unhappy about something.

I kept playing with the girls, trying to distract Lana, so she wouldn’t see her mom looking like she was about to pull her hair out. I never once thought her mom was flipping out about me. Until my cell phone, that was stuffed into my jeans pocket, started buzzing.

It was my husband who said, “Honey, are you at Lana’s softball practice?”  When I told him I was, he said, “Well, I guess you saw my ex there. She’s totally losing it, saying this is her time, her custody day, and you have no right to be there.”

Just because it’s her time, I couldn’t even be there? Huh, I hadn’t thought of that.

He called her back after we hung up, trying to reason with her. But, when someone is that out of control, all reason, sadly, flies out the window. He told her that I had every right to be there helping the players. That the coach asked me to be there. They stayed on the phone screaming at each other for several minutes, though it felt like hours from my vantage point out on the field. I could feel my face burning.

I was so embarrassed. Honestly, more for his ex than for me. I wasn’t that embarrassed for me. I felt like I needed to be there to help the girls. That evening, my husband told his ex that she displayed the most immaturity he had ever seen an adult exhibit, and that she had given her daughter’s coach a perfect opportunity to witness first hand the crazy that she was.

Then, the coach headed towards me on the field. She was clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed when she said, “I’m really sorry; it might be best if you go.”

“Aw man, I- I’m sorry! I didn’t know…umm…that this was going to be such a problem.” I stuttered, as I turned to find Lana to say goodbye.

She sweetly said, “No no no.  I’m just sorry that we didn’t know either. I hate to ask you to come and then ask you to go.”

Later the coach told me she was mortified by the whole ridiculous scene. She shared that even after I left, my husband’s ex continued with her tantrum, but she didn’t know how to tell her that the stepmom has the right to be there.

I walked over to Lana and said, “Hey, I love you, but I gotta go. You’re doing great!” Then, I quietly walked off the field towards my car, past the ex, the coach, and the other moms, the hair on the back of my neck standing up.