Were you nervous? Excited? Scared? A little of all of those feelings? I’d love for you to share how you felt before meeting your step kids. I know it can be daunting!
I thought I’d be just fine with meeting my now step kids. I work with kids, so how difficult could this be?
My Story:
Am I the only one? I can’t be. There must be others out there like me, others who never had any children of their own, and only inherited them. I meant to; I always thought I would. I guess I just never got around to it. Instead, I had four-legged furry ones. Sometimes, it seems as though I am the only woman who is a stepmom, but not a bio-mom, too. I am not an every other weekend stepmom–I am a fifty percent stepmom. I had a foolish notion that, because I had been working with kids for 20-some-odd years, this new “gig” would be easy. Did I mention that it was a foolish notion?
I met the man of my dreams at a party at a friend’s house. It seemed to be love at first sight. I know, I know. Does love at first sight even exist? I’d be the first to tell you that it doesn’t. You get to a certain age and you begin to feel cynical about these things. For any of you doubters out there, I am here to tell you that it actually does exist. Well, okay, maybe not true love exactly, but we definitely felt an immediate connection.
Brian had everything I was looking for in a man and then some. The “then some” was good and not so good. The good is that he was much cuter and taller than I required, and he cooked! The not so good was that he had ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). When he told me that he had ADHD and that his daughter did, too, I had proof that God had a sense of humor.
I worked with kids who had ADHD as well as learning disabilities. Apparently, God did not think I got enough of it at work, and that I needed to live with it, too… in stereo. Regardless, I still foolishly thought that this new role would be easy for me since I was so good with kids. However, that first year was no cake walk, that’s for sure. Becoming a stepmom was the most challenging role I had ever undertaken.
About four months after Brian and I met, we knew we wanted a future together, so we decided it was time for me to meet his kids: Aiden, who was nine, and Jessie, who was five. Previously, we had planned a couple events that had included friends and their kids. At those events, Brian told his kids that he had met a special friend, and that was how he introduced me. I’m not sure the kids understood what he was saying, but at least they had met me.
But in June, our get-together was going to be just the four of us. I had knots in my stomach. My friends all teased me about my nerves. They said, “You work with kids! How can you be nervous? Kids love you! You love kids!” They were right, but this was different. These children could be my stepchildren.
I felt like I was waiting for a first date to show up. When Brian told the kids’ mom that they were going to meet me, she was not happy about it. She was concerned that her kids would be afraid of me because I was born with only one arm. She probably felt threatened about me developing a relationship with her kids, and was just grasping for reasons for me to not meet them.
When Brian told me this, I just laughed. He couldn’t believe I was laughing. He thought I would be hurt by this, but then I reminded him of what I did for a living. I was used to fielding questions from kids about my physical difference. Kids get used to these things, and then they forget about it. But, that afternoon while I sat on my couch nervously awaiting their arrival, what kept racing through my mind? “What if his kids are afraid of my arm?”
They weren’t, and the “date” went well. We went to the aquarium in Long Beach. We all had so much fun looking at the different fish, the penguins, and the puffins. In fact, Brian got a little jealous of how easily I conversed with his kids, and the kids seemed to appreciate how I genuinely listened to them. One puffin was particularly funny looking. He had yellow feathers sprouting from both sides of his head. Aiden and I decided that he was a “surfer dude puffin”. Before leaving I bought a stuffed puffin to keep as a reminder of our afternoon. We also had our first “family” picture taken just inside the aquarium. Looking at it now, I can tell we were all a bit awkward and uncomfortable with each other. I’m still glad we took it, though. It’s a permanent reminder of such a momentous event in my life.
When we got back to my house, the kids chased after my cats, threw the ball for my dog, Ivy, picked up and touched all of my breakable “chotchkies”, and played at the bar in my family room. Jessie decided she wanted to play bartender and pretended to serve drinks. To this day, both kids remember the bar and remember that first visit to my house. Aiden remembers me telling him that his eyes were as blue as my cat Thumper’s, and Jessie remembers me telling her that her hair was as soft as my other cat’s, Charlee’s, fur.
I remember the kids competing for the compliments; they seemed so hungry for the praise and attention. Things were going so well, that the kids wanted to have a “sleepover”. I thought that was a good sign, but Brian and I both agreed that it was too soon to do the “family thing”. The last thing Aiden said before leaving that evening was, “Hey! You could be my stepmom someday!”