I decided to post another story this week about a stepmom meeting her step kids for the first time. This story is from my book’s first chapter, “A New Beginning”.
I appreciated how open and vulnerable these women were. They shared stories that did not always put them in the best light. This is exactly what I wanted. Being a stepmom is hard and we are human. We are not going to be perfect. We are going to say and do the wrong thing from time to time. The goal, though, is to learn from those moments. If we share with each other, we can grow and evolve in our role as stepmom.
Renee’s Story:
I met Ethan at work when I was only 20 years old. I was interning at the news station where he worked as a photographer. I had no interest in him because I knew he had been married before and had a child. A man with a past didn’t appeal to me, especially since I was just 20 years old. We did flirt with each other, and he was awfully cute to me, but his past scared me. A lot! And then, on my last day of work, he, out of the blue, kissed me. That was it. I was hooked. I was still concerned about his past and his child, but I was so crazy about him, that I thought for sure I’d make it work.
Our first year together was hard on me because Ethan didn’t want me to meet his son, Trevor, who was two years old at the time. It seemed that Ethan had two lives he was living ⎯ one with me and one with his ex-wife and his son. This made Trevor seem unreal to me, as though he was just an image in my mind. I became obsessed with the idea of this little boy who came from such intimacy that my new boyfriend shared with someone else. I remember being in Ethan’s apartment and seeing a canvas wall hanging of a small child’s dark blue painted handprints with a note on the bottom saying, “I love you Daddy!” In that instant, Trevor became a reality to me, and I suddenly felt terribly jealous of the love Ethan and Trevor shared, a love that didn’t include me.
Even after I finally met Trevor, at the end of our first year of dating, I felt left out much of the time, feeling like second place in Ethan’s life. Not to mention the fact that I had no idea how to deal with a three year old. I remember one time when Ethan and I had taken Trevor out for dinner, his dad went to get the car, telling Trevor to stay behind with me. Well, as soon as Ethan headed out into the car filled parking lot, Trevor decided to try to run out after him. I told him to stay behind with me, as his dad told him to. Trevor scornfully looked at me and said, “You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my babysitter!” My grown-up, mature response to that? “I’m glad I’m not; I don’t like to babysit bratty, mean kids!” Well, I was only 22 years old…
Luckily, that was only the beginning; Trevor’s and my relationship did grow closer as we grew to care about each other over the years. I will never forget the beaming smile on Trevor’s face as he walked down the aisle at his dad’s and my wedding, carrying our rings on a dark blue, satin pillow. The flower girl was supposed to go before him, scattering rose petals along the way, but fear got the best of her, and she refused to walk. Trevor just shrugged his shoulders, threw up his hands, put a big, wide smile on his face, and sauntered down the aisle. I have the best picture of that moment, still today, 15 years later.