Recently, Jenna Korf posted an article on her blog and Facebook page for stepmoms meant to help them decide whether to include their step kids in their wedding. Her article reminded me of a story I wrote about my decision on just that subject.
I wanted to do something special for my step kids even though they weren’t going to be at our ceremony. I was making a commitment to them as well as to their dad, and I wanted them to know that. This story is from my upcoming book, Stepping into a New Role, Stories from Stepmoms under the chapter, “It’s Not What They Chose, so Try to Make it Special.”
A few months before my wedding, two of my favorite country singers appeared on the Oprah Show, telling their heartfelt story of their love affair. As Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood shared their love story, I saw similarities to Brian’s and my love story. Trisha had been married before and had no children; I had been married before and had no children. Garth was divorced with three daughters; Brian was divorced with a son and a daughter.
What really caught my attention was the respectful way they handled their relationship with Garth’s daughters and their subsequent wedding. Trisha pointed out that Garth’s daughters had not asked her to marry them–Garth had. The girls had no say in the matter, which seemed unfair to Trisha. With sensitivity to them in mind, she decided to do something special to make them feel included in the big changes taking place.
Hearing this made me want to do something special for Brian’s kids. To signify her commitment, Trisha bought each girl a gold ring as well as one for her new husband. In addition, they included his daughters in their wedding, making vows to the girls during the ceremony.
I thought about what I could do to let Aiden and Jessie know I was committing to them as well as to their father. I certainly couldn’t buy Aiden a gold ring, and Jessie was only six so a gold ring probably wasn’t right for her either. After some thought, I decided on simple ruby earrings for Jessie (rubies were her birthstone and red was her favorite color) and a nice watch for Aiden. Neither wore those “special” gifts for very long, but it wasn’t the things that mattered. The memories of our special ceremony were what mattered, and we all remember that afternoon.
Brian and I were getting married on the beach in Hawaii, followed immediately by our honeymoon, so the kids wouldn’t be present at our wedding. Therefore I had to get creative with some sort of “ceremony” that was just for the kids and our new family. A friend, Anne, suggested the idea of writing special messages to each other on helium balloons and setting them free into the sky. Brian and I loved this wonderful, romantic idea.
After our return from our Maui wedding and honeymoon, we planned our “balloon ceremony”. We bought colored helium filled balloons, packed a picnic lunch, wrapped the gifts for the kids, and set out for our special day. It was a beautiful, memorable event with all four of us, heads bent low, lost in our thoughts, carefully writing on balloons before sharing with each other what we had written. Aiden wrote on one, “To Dad and Shawn, I promise I will always love and respect your wishes forever.” 10 years later, I think I need to remind him of that promise. Jessie wrote, “To: Shawn, I want to welcome you to our family.” I wrote to both kids, “This is a thank you to Jessie and Aiden for so wonderfully accepting me and welcoming me into your family.” Although it wasn’t always easy, both kids did accept me and were respectful most of the time. I wrote to my new husband, “Thank you for giving me what I have always wanted- a beautiful family and a love to last a lifetime.” This still holds true, all these years later. Those are just a few examples of the genuine messages written on all those beautiful balloons.
We let the balloons free, carrying our promises and wishes up into the universe. I thank Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks for planting the seed, and I thank Anne for the perfect idea of the balloon messages. We have many pictures from that day, but I know our memories will always be with us in our hearts.
